Another long round of isolation and quarantine over Covid19 and there seems to be no end in sight at the moment. It’s been a difficult road to take, and many people are feeling it. After I finished my Yoga teacher training, which was such a great class, I went into a slump because everything got shut down – again. I thought this is the process and I’ll get out of it soon, just this time it’s been slow going. It has really made me think of those things that I love to do and appreciate them so much more. It’s feeling like a tug a war; doing what is considered to be right for the greater good but then feeling the weight of that, with no recourse on it. People are struggling, financially, mentally and physically. No matter which way you look at it, a world pandemic and human isolation is not good for human health. Like all of us, we can hope that the vaccine will help, and someday things will be back to normal.
In the meantime, it’s one step in front of the other and keep moving forward. I have been feeling pretty stuck, but I have decided to try to think of at least 5 things to be grateful for each morning. Gratefulness is a cure for the poor me syndrome. I have also come up with a new somewhat sarcastic and funny expression, every time I start feeling like, “why did this happen, or why is this happening to me” I say, “YAY ME!” – not that I have ever seen London Tipton use that phase, as more of a I am spoiled and great meaning. But I use it as a funny, sarcastic, just move on phase, “yay me” is reminding me that, yup that sucks but it’s also kind of life too. Life is messy and not perfect, so I guess a little sarcastic levity is perfect.
5 things I am grateful for:
Have a great day you all, where every you are at… until we meet again.
I have noticed that when there is an abundance of birds at the feeder it is often a signal that the weather is going to get colder. Birds seem to sense what is coming ahead of us. It is natural for animals and humans to prepare for the trials of the winter months. I wondered what the Yoga Sutra’s had to say about this idea of preparing for the future, and even goal setting. So many verses talk specifically about being present and living in the moment but not a lot about things like “goals settings, News Year’s resolutions, or future preparations.” Well, not in the Western sense of the way. The idea isn’t about not preparing for your future but our attachment to the idea of that future. Worrying about the future causes undue stress, believing we are entitled to certain outcomes is not healthy, expectation will disappoint. Being present means we need to enjoy each daily step. Honestly, we can prepare for the future, like how birds cache seeds, yet we must still be completely aware of what is in front of you at any given moment. All we have is this one moment in time, this one breath, the future in not granted. That goal of making x amount of money, or getting that job, or running a successful business, may or may not be achieved, but attachment to that outcome will not bring you happiness. It is letting go of attachment that is important, being present to what we are granted right now. It is so important to enjoy the process and to be aware of each breath, which is all we truly have. Peace – Kat
Never done or known before.
The surface of the world no longer has the same texture or feel. There is a stillness and heaviness that bares upon us all. Something that has never been seen, or felt. It is "everywhere but nowhere". I worry for my own little people, for others, and for those across the world from me. There is a shift in the deepest parts of places - it is stepping off into some unknown future where nothing is certain. Taking it "step by step, day by day," without a tinniest bit of clarity.
Almost every woman I have ever met has a secret belief that she is just on the edge of madness, that there is some deep, crazy part within her, that she must be on guard constantly against ‘losing control’—of her temper, of her appetite, of her sexuality, of her feelings, of her ambition, of her secret fantasies, of her mind.”
Elana Dykewomon, “Notes for a Magazine,” in: Sinister Wisdom #36
I have been looking at this empty space for over two weeks. This is where my computer used to sit, until the graphic card died, and I took it to get reparied. According to Apple, my computer is too old to fix. I now wait for a new computer, and all my data will hopefully get transfered over. This isn't the first blog post I wanted to make, but like my computer, my site, and blog and all else is "on it's way." I am so excited for this website. I appreciate your visit to it. It will only get better. Patience is hard when you are so excited to get going with things.